Full Transcript
COLD OPEN
SC. 001 — EXT. DREAM LAND TOWN SQUARE — DAY
The sun shines brilliantly over Dream Land. Waddle Dees waddle about their business, carrying baskets of apples and chatting amongst themselves. The camera pans across the idyllic scene—fluffy clouds, green grass, the works.
We find KIRBY (5 years old, pink, round, adorable as hell) sitting on a bench, absolutely DEMOLISHING a watermelon slice that's almost as big as he is. Juice drips down his face. He's in pure bliss.
KIRBY
(mouth full, completely unintelligible)
Mmmmph! Dis is da best watermelonnnnn!
META KNIGHT (39, masked, caped, sword at his side, Spaniard accent) stands beside him, arms crossed, watching with that particular brand of parental affection mixed with exasperation.
META KNIGHT
(sighs, pulling out a handkerchief)
Kirby, mi hijo, you are getting juice everywhere. How do you even—
He starts wiping Kirby's face. Kirby giggles and squirms.
KIRBY
(giggling)
Papi, stoooop! I can do it myself!
META KNIGHT
You clearly cannot. Hold still.
Kirby pouts but lets Meta Knight clean him up. A few Waddle Dees pass by and wave.
WADDLE DEE #1
Morning, Meta Knight! Morning, Kirby!
KIRBY
(waving enthusiastically, juice still on his hands)
HI MR. WADDLE DEE!
META KNIGHT
(muttering)
And now your hands... Dios mío...
Suddenly, there's a COMMOTION from down the street. Excited chattering. Meta Knight's eyes narrow beneath his mask.
META KNIGHT
(immediately on alert)
What is that noise?
KIRBY
(perking up, curious)
Ooh! Maybe it's a parade!
META KNIGHT
Or an attack. Stay close to me.
KIRBY
Papi, you always think everything is an attack.
META KNIGHT
Because it usually is.
The camera follows their gaze down the street, where a CROWD of Waddle Dees has formed, all cooing and aww-ing at something we can't see yet.
SC. 002 — EXT. DREAM LAND TOWN SQUARE — CONTINUOUS
KING DEDEDE (23, big penguin energy, wearing his royal robes, Southern accent) waddles into view, holding a TINY GOLDEN RETRIEVER PUPPY in his arms. The puppy is ABSURDLY cute—big eyes, floppy ears, wagging tail.
DEDEDE
(proudly, to the crowd)
Alright, alright, y'all settle down now! Yes, this here's my new puppy! His name's Biscuit!
The Waddle Dees LOSE THEIR MINDS.
WADDLE DEES
(in unison)
AWWWWWW!!!
BANDANA WADDLE DEE (11, orange Waddle Dee with a blue bandana, carrying his spear SPEARY in one hand and an apple juice box in the other) pushes through the crowd, his eyes sparkling.
BANDANA DEE
(gasping, stars in his eyes)
Your Majesty! He's SO CUTE! Can I hold him?! Please please please?!
DEDEDE
(grinning, clearly enjoying the attention)
Well, I suppose the Captain of the Guard has earned himself some puppy time.
Dedede gently hands Biscuit over to Bandana Dee, who immediately cradles the puppy like it's made of glass. Bandee's whole face lights up.
BANDANA DEE
(whispering to Biscuit, voice soft and sweet)
Hi, little guy... You're the cutest thing I've ever seen... Yes you are... Yes you are...
Dedede watches Bandee with the puppy, and there's this LOOK on his face—soft, fond, maybe even a little flustered. The gay vibes are RADIATING.
DEDEDE
(clearing his throat)
Well, uh... He seems to like ya, Bandee.
BANDANA DEE
(not looking away from Biscuit)
He's perfect, Your Majesty. Just perfect.
Meta Knight and Kirby approach. Meta Knight looks suspicious. Kirby looks VERY interested.
META KNIGHT
Dedede. What is this?
DEDEDE
(defensive)
What's it look like, Meta? It's a puppy! A king's allowed to have a puppy!
META KNIGHT
You? Responsible for a living creature?
DEDEDE
HEY! I'm responsible! I'm a king! I'm responsible for a whole dang kingdom!
META KNIGHT
Debatable.
DEDEDE
(sputtering)
Why, you little—
Kirby has completely tuned out the bickering. He's staring at Biscuit with WIDE, SHINING EYES.
KIRBY
(barely containing himself)
Papi... Papi, look! It's a puppy!
META KNIGHT
(still glaring at Dedede)
Yes, I see that.
KIRBY
Can I pet him?! Please?!
Bandana Dee looks up, still holding Biscuit.
BANDANA DEE
(smiling)
Of course, Kirby!
Bandee kneels down so Kirby can reach. Kirby gently pets Biscuit's head with his little nub hand. Biscuit licks Kirby's face. Kirby GIGGLES—that pure, unfiltered child giggle.
KIRBY
(laughing)
He licked me! Papi, he licked me!
META KNIGHT
(softening slightly)
Sí, I see that.
The Waddle Dees are still crowding around, snapping photos on their phones, cooing over Biscuit.
WADDLE DEE #2
He's SO FLUFFY!
WADDLE DEE #3
Look at his little PAWS!
DEDEDE
(basking in the attention)
Yep! Got him from a breeder over in Floralia. Top-quality pup right here!
Kirby steps back from Biscuit, still smiling. But then he notices something. ALL the Waddle Dees are focused on Biscuit. Bandee is STILL cradling him. Even Dedede is preening. Kirby's smile falters. Just a little.
Meta Knight doesn't notice—he's too busy side-eyeing Dedede.
META KNIGHT
And you're certain you can handle this responsibility?
DEDEDE
For the LAST time, Meta, YES! Bandee's gonna help me, ain't ya, Bandee?
BANDANA DEE
(still entranced by Biscuit)
Uh-huh... Whatever you say, Your Majesty...
DEDEDE
(grinning)
See? Teamwork.
Kirby looks between the puppy and the crowd. He tugs on Meta Knight's cape.
KIRBY
(quietly)
Papi... Can we go home now?
META KNIGHT
(surprised)
Already? But you were so excited about the puppy.
KIRBY
(forcing a smile)
I know! He's really cute! But, um... I'm kinda tired. From all the watermelon.
META KNIGHT
(suspicious parental senses tingling)
...Are you feeling alright?
KIRBY
(nodding quickly)
Yep! Just sleepy!
Meta Knight studies Kirby for a moment, then nods.
META KNIGHT
Very well. We'll head back.
As they start to walk away, Kirby glances back over his shoulder. The crowd is STILL fawning over Biscuit. Bandee is holding him up like Simba from The Lion King. Kirby's smile drops completely. He turns back around and keeps walking, quieter now.
META KNIGHT
(not noticing Kirby's mood)
A puppy. Honestly. What was Dedede thinking? Dogs require constant supervision, training, vet visits...
KIRBY
(distracted)
...Yeah.
META KNIGHT
And knowing Dedede, he'll probably spoil it rotten and—Kirby? Are you listening?
KIRBY
(snapping out of it)
Huh? Oh! Yeah, Papi. I'm listening.
Meta Knight gives him another Look, but doesn't press. They continue walking as the camera lingers on Kirby's face. Something's bothering him.
END COLD OPEN
TO BE CONTINUED...
ACT ONE
SC. 003 — INT. META KNIGHT'S HOUSE — LIVING ROOM — LATER THAT DAY
Meta Knight's house is surprisingly cozy—Spanish villa meets medieval armory. Kirby sits on the couch holding a stuffed Maxim Tomato plushie, just staring at it. Meta Knight enters with star-shaped cookies and milk.
META KNIGHT
Here. Fresh from the oven.
Kirby doesn't move.
KIRBY
(quietly)
Thanks, Papi.
META KNIGHT
Kirby. You're not eating the cookies.
KIRBY
I'm just... not that hungry right now.
Meta Knight's hand goes to his sword.
META KNIGHT
Who are you and what have you done with my son?
Kirby almost smiles. After some back‑and‑forth, Kirby finally asks:
KIRBY
...Do you think Biscuit is cute?
META KNIGHT
I suppose. Adequately adorable.
KIRBY
Everyone thought he was really cute.
META KNIGHT
Well. Puppy or no puppy, you're still the cutest thing in Dream Land to me.
Kirby lights up. He takes a cookie. There's a knock at the door. Bandana Dee arrives with an invitation to Biscuit's party at the castle.
SC. 004 — INT. CASTLE DEDEDE — THRONE ROOM — ONE HOUR LATER
The throne room is decorated with streamers, balloons, a "WELCOME BISCUIT!" banner, and a massive dog‑bone cake. Dedede stands near the throne, Bandana Dee beside him holding Biscuit.
DEDEDE
Now THIS is how you throw a party!
BANDANA DEE
Your Majesty, he just sneezed and it was the CUTEST thing I've ever seen.
Dedede leans closer.
DEDEDE
(quieter)
You're real good with him, ya know.
BANDANA DEE
Thanks, Your Majesty.
Meta Knight and Kirby arrive. Kirby holds Biscuit briefly, but notices all the Waddle Dees are still cooing at Biscuit, not him. His smile strains.
SC. 005 — INT. CASTLE DEDEDE — THRONE ROOM — CONTINUOUS
Games are announced. Bandana Dee takes Biscuit back. Kirby walks off toward the game area, but his eyes are sad. He clenches his little fists. Unclenches them. Forces a smile.
TO BE CONTINUED...
ACT TWO
SC. 006 — INT. CASTLE DEDEDE — THRONE ROOM — LATER
The party is in full swing. Kirby sits alone on the edge of a fountain, cake untouched. Meta Knight appears beside him.
META KNIGHT
Not hungry?
KIRBY
Do you think... I'm still cute?
Meta Knight is baffled. Kirby admits he's jealous of Biscuit. Meta Knight pulls him into a rare hug.
META KNIGHT
You are the most adorable, precious, wonderful thing in this entire kingdom. Possibly the universe. You are MY son. There is no competition.
Dedede and Bandana Dee overhear. Kirby confesses his jealousy. Bandee hugs him. Dedede gruffly reassures him. Biscuit curls up next to Kirby, who finally giggles.
SC. 007 — INT. CASTLE DEDEDE — THRONE ROOM — MOMENTS LATER
The group bonds. Dedede tells Meta Knight "You're a good dad." Meta Knight is surprised. They watch Kirby and Biscuit together.
SC. 008 — INT. CASTLE DEDEDE — THRONE ROOM — LATER THAT EVENING
Kirby falls asleep on a cushion, Biscuit beside him. Bandana Dee sips his apple juice. Dedede, looking at Bandee, says:
DEDEDE
You're pretty dang cute yourself, Bandee.
Bandee chokes on his juice. Dedede backpedals furiously. Meta Knight smirks. He carries Kirby home, then pauses at the door.
META KNIGHT
You might want to work on your subtlety.
As Meta Knight leaves, Bandana Dee whispers to himself:
BANDANA DEE
(softly)
He thinks I'm cute...
Dedede sputters. Biscuit barks. Bandee giggles. Fade to black.
END OF EPISODE